Free time = Over thinking

Remember those days, when we all would crave vacations, wait for Sundays, and count the number of holidays in a month. From "awaiting holidays" to "fearing long vacations" I have changed. Now I feel, the more free time, the more anxious I get about my skills and work. 

It was May 22, 2023, and I was waiting for my boss on a Zoom call. It was the first video call with the Boss and the other new recruits this year.  We were all waiting for our boss, just to know when will we receive our flight tickets to fly to Mumbai for our new job.  With lots of eagerness and thoughts like, "Why is it too soon?" and on the other hand,  "Why are they not sending us any details?" "Am I really selected or did they throw me out before at least letting me?" With all these thoughts I attended the meeting, and then the Boss said, "As all the new-joiners are not done with their final exams, the joining date is postponed to July 1, 2023."

After listening to that, a girl like me, who packed her bags right on the day she returned from the hostel, will have mixed emotions. 

One side of my heart says, "Yaay! Sruthi, you got time to spend with your family, have tasty food, chill out with friends, plan a trip with Kruthi, and just sleep till late in the morning." While the other side of my heart, which is over-ambitious and over-excited to start my career, says, "Whaaaaattttt? I still have a month? OMG! What if I get lazy, and fat, and stop working hard? What if I lose touch with writing which I just started a while ago and forget how to read a newspaper?" 

I had these thoughts for the next few minutes of the meeting,  and once I came out of the room and told my mother about this, she was very happy, and my father started planning a family trip, while my sister planned a 'sisters only trip'. 

Looking at them I was happy, but deep inside, I was worried too. So much free time, and I don't know what to do. I told my friends about this and shared my deep thoughts with one of them. He asked me to enjoy this free time and write some random things which will keep me away from such thoughts. It feels different when you hear such serious things and matured replies from someone who has been very jovial all the time. 

Being idle is not bad all the time. Sometimes you just have to sit idly and relax. After a hectic schedule for nine months at IIJNM (my PG college), I, actually everyone from that college deserve this free time. And I am among those who received some extra free time, and I got to enjoy it now.